Brian's Secret Problem
by Shinjinator
Summary: Brian can't stop looking at porn on the Internet, and whenever he does, Chris always gets blamed. But then an incident at the water park reveals otherwise. Contains sexual material suitable for mature readers only. Oneshot.


It was late Friday night in Quahog, Rhode Island.

It had been a while since Jillian had taken a dump on Brian... um, broke up with him. Brian had never made it with another woman since then, and he landed himself in some deep shit on Martha's Vineyard after he tried to make out with Lois in the hotel room while Peter was out drinking with Nathan Lane.

Brian was so sexually frustrated that night. Unfortunately, he didn't have any porn magazines to look at ever since he got tired of his old ones and threw them out. He then decided to sneak into the living room while the rest of the Griffin family was asleep and look at porn on the Internet.

He spent all night stroking his tiny white dick to naked Asian girls, hentai, dogs humping, etc., oh, what a night it was, and oh, what a ball he had.

The next morning, Lois was checking her e-mail inbox when she noticed spam messages. They were all from porn sites, she then browsed her web history and found all the porn sites that Brian had been looking at. Of course no one knew it was him, she assumed it was Chris since he was the only teenage boy in the house.

"CHRIS GRIFFIN, COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!" Lois screamed.

"Does this have to do with the bottles of pee under my bed?" asked Chris.

"Perhaps you would like to explain this!" she snapped as she showed him the pictures of naked anime girls and slutty dogs on the computer.

"But I don't look at that stuff", said Chris, "and what's with that dog?"

"Don't lie to me, Chris!" said Lois. "You know that pornography is not allowed in this house, and zoophilia is a very serious problem!"

In the hall across from the study, Brian shuddered in guilt at the fact that Chris was taking the blame for something that wasn't his fault, all because he wanted to jerk off to some decent doggie porn.

Chris was banned from the computer for a week, he also had to go to Herbert's house and do chores for him as part of his punishment.

At Herbert's place, Chris helped him vacuum the house, take out the garbage, feed Jesse, mow the lawn, and, uh, some other stuff...

After Chris was finished with his work, Lois sent Brian to pick up Chris because she had to pick up Stewie from daycare and because Peter's license had been suspended.

As Brian walked inside, he suddenly saw Herbert's computer in his bedroom.

As an Ivy League educated dog with more than his share of common sense, he knew he had to resist the temptation to use Herbert's computer. Unfortunately, his emotion overcame reason, and so he gave in.

"Um, could you excuse me for a moment, I have to go check something on Facebook?" he asked Herbert. He then noticed that he was in the bathroom, and so he decided to sneak into the bedroom while he wasn't looking and lock the door.

He spent at least five minutes jerking his gherkin to pictures of naked, large breasted anime girls getting banged by tentacle monsters on Herbert's computer screen.

As soon as he was done, he tried to click out the websites when he found that the computer was frozen because the Internet was not responding. He knew that pulling the plug would damage Herbert's hard drive, he now had to choose between getting Chris in trouble yet again, or ruining Herbert's computer.

He then snuck out of the room quietly, grabbed Chris, and quickly took off in the car before Herbert was out of the bathroom.

After he got back home, Brian sat down on the couch, fearful that Herbert would call back in no time.

When Herbert got on his computer, he found that his computer was frozen and that he couldn't look at naked boys on the Internet. He pretty much didn't care for pictures of Lum, Tifa Lockhart and Yoko from Gurren Lagann having a lesbian threesome, of course, and he sure as hell wasn't into animal fetishes.

He then called the Griffin house and told Lois about what was on his computer, also thinking that it was Chris.

"Chris, Herbert says you've been looking at porn sites on his computer, is that true?" said Lois.

"But it wasn't me, he just likes to hide the fact that he's a pervert!" said Chris.

"That is it!" said Lois. "You are not going to the water park tomorrow!"

Chris, in disappointment, moaned "Aw, man, this is even worse than 'Viva Rock Vegas'!"

The next day, at the Mount Splashmore Water Park just outside of town, Brian got in line for the H2Whoa water slide when he happened to be behind a large breasted, round assed Japanese girl in a black bikini, she was somewhere in her early 20s, college aged, maybe.

Brian then tapped her on the shoulder and asked her "Hi, who are you?"

"Namae wa Kyoko desu!" said the girl. "Yoroshiku?"

"Um, I'm Brian."

"Inu wa kawaii desu ne!" said Kyoko as she pet Brian on the head.

"Um, thanks!" said Brian.

"Arigatou gozaimashita!" she replied.

Throughout the line, Brian continued to stare at Kyoko's immaculate posterior as his white furry member became longer and harder.

As she went down the slide, her massive tits jiggled vehemently all the way down, when she got off, she had an obvious wedgie from the slide, showing off her firm, yellow buttocks.

After Brian got off the slide, he noticed pointing and laughing from people in the line.

He then looked down and noticed the tent in his swimming trunks he got from staring at Kyoko's T&A, his was even bigger than the time he and Fred Flintstone got erocktions from watching Betty Rubble undress.

He then saw Kyoko pass by again, he then got even harder to the point where he couldn't take it anymore.

He pounced onto her, yanked her bra off, and exposed her Japanese jugs and her Nipponese nipples.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA! ECCHI BAKA YAROU! TASUKETE!"

The lifeguard came and pulled Brian off of her and then called the police.

Luckily for Brian, he was spared from imprisonment. However, the court ordered him to be castrated. Brian felt as if he was in a Greek tragedy where he had to choose between himself and his freedom. Of course, he would be playing the role of "sans testicles".

Months later, Brian was a completely different man without his balls. He was now an asexual man-child no longer focused on women, and instead devoted his life to his new passion, which was candy.

"I LOVE chocolate! But I can't eat it, 'cause then I'll get FAT! But it's SOOOOOOOOO good!"

Unfortunately, he already was.

THE END


End file.
